Friday, March 8, 2013

Creating Your Own Hope

I've been really not doing well lately.  I have stage IV heart failure (and yes you CAN be alive with that.  It doesn't mean you're dead already, but it doesn't bode well for the future.)  

That being said, things can feel pretty hopeless.  My chances of living beyond this next year are not good, and if I do then they're pretty much zippo for the year beyond that.  I'm not trying to be depressing, but it is pretty sad when statistics are in my face like that.  

This is where I've come to realize, you have to create your own hope.  Otherwise, it would be really easy to just give up.  It would be easier to not get so down if I was able to do more and didn't feel so poorly most of the time.  I just have so much to LIVE for!  I don't want to leave my husband and family behind - I still have so many things I want to experience in life!  My prayers are pretty much "Please, I'm not done yet!" in not those exact words of course.

What makes my situation harder is that my very BEST friend in the whole world is in the same boat as me.  She also has stage IV heart failure and even had a heart attack this last fall.  I worry so much that one or both of us won't be here much longer and I can't bear to think of that fact.  We do our best to lift each others spirits through texts and the amount of seeing each other we're able to do here and there.  

So my hope for my friend and I is that we will be able to somehow, some way beat this and LIVE!  By creating our own hope since the statistics for us are totally in the toilet so to speak, maybe we can have a fighting chance!  I believe that through prayer and faith all things are possible!  That doesn't mean that things always go how you hope or that your prayers are answered in the way that you desire, however.  But I say we have got to do our best to try.  That's all we CAN do.

I would appreciate any prayers, good thoughts, good vibes, whatever on mine and my friend's behalf.  (((Cyber HUG)))

xoxo ~ Ellie Elise